


i have so much i still need to tell you

by yodalorian



Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Chapter 16: The Rescue, Character Study, Gen, Good Parent Din Djarin, Goodbyes, Internal Monologue, din is an anxious dad, not really prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yodalorian/pseuds/yodalorian
Summary: Din Djarin's internal monologue as he says goodbye to Grogu.
Relationships: Din Djarin & Grogu | Baby Yoda
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	i have so much i still need to tell you

**Author's Note:**

> i lost a close friend recently so i am projecting onto din djarin and wrote this at 3 am to cope, like always

I have so much I still need to tell you.

But there’s not enough time to say it all.

Does he know? This warrior, this sorcerer, the cloaked one who wields a green blade and baffling powers? Does he know?

Does he know you’ll eat anything, but you love Quilan kelpfish and Rylothian crackers but would never touch Naboo mud eel, no matter how many times I tried to sneak it into your soup? Does he know you like to lie against the warmth of the Razor Crest’s engines but get scared when they shudder into hyperspace? Does he know you need to rest after using your extraordinary powers, that he needs to always be alert for any moment that you lose consciousness and fall, get hurt? Does he know you jostle awake in the dead of night, haunted by old demons (they visit me too) and need a calming hand and soft words to lull you back to sleep?

Does he know? Has he studied the curve of your ears? Your soft, wrinkled skin? Those big dark eyes that seem to always know a little more than I think you do?

We understand each other. I may not share your strange abilities, I may not be able to connect to your mind the way Ahsoka Tano could, I may not feel this Force, but I understand you. I’ve learned your grunts and your coos, that the little flick upwards of your ears means you’re excited for our next adventure, that you curl your hands in when you’re hungry.

Still, there’s so much I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can move objects without touching them. I don’t understand how you can make wounds heal with just a touch. But every time I see you do it, I feel a little thrill. It’s a tiny bit of magic. It’s a little moment where not everything is armor and weapons and money, where there’s still a little bit of wonder in the galaxy.

I suppose that’s why you have to go. Because I could never teach you that. All I can give you is violence and danger and death. I can’t keep that wonder alive. 

I can’t keep you, you little wonder, safe.

And if that wonder died, the galaxy would be darker than it already is.

But I hope you understand too. I hope you understand the way you’ve  _ awakened  _ me. I hope you understand the way you’ve made my heart beat again in a way I haven’t felt in years. I hope you understand the way you’ve somehow, you little green womp rat, you’ve made a hardened old bounty hunter feel and care and love again. I hope you understand that you’ve made me alive again. 

I wear the armor to keep out the world. It’s easier that way. I don’t get hurt. But somehow you’ve done it. It wasn’t a turbolaser or even a lightsaber that broke through the armor. It’s you. The air is cold and uncomfortable on my bare face, and I feel exposed and vulnerable. But your tiny claws are holding me, and you’re holding me steady. The first time someone has touched me since I was a child.

Do you understand how much you’ve  _ changed  _ me? How you’ve completely overthrown everything I thought I knew?

You’re asking for permission. Go, Grogu.

Wait. Stay warm. I’m scared of how fast hypothermia could set in in a body as tiny as yours. And stop picking at that scab on your nose, it’ll never heal.

Tell him to take you somewhere with lots of frogs and other tasty morsels. Tell him to fight off the loth cats and Traskian squids and krykna spiders.

Now go. Don’t let the heartbreak of a weary old man keep you back.

I have so much I still need to tell you.

But he’s already carrying you away, and the doors are sliding shut, and there’s not enough time to say it all.

Just know that I love you, Grogu. I can’t telepathically tell you that or anything, but I love you so, so much.

I love you so much that now it’s tearing me up from the inside. I love you so much that now it’s crushing down on my shoulders.

Goodbye, my little womp rat. My son. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to tell you everything I couldn’t today.

**Author's Note:**

> din is a good dad but he thinks he isn't because he's stupid
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jedioncer?lang=en)  
> to see me post other sad things


End file.
